Friday, May 1, 2009

How the Safe Home Pledge Can Make a Difference?

This article appeared in the Scottsdale Republic, in response to “Scottsdale schools consider youth survey a call to action”, February 27, 2009:

If you are a parent, like me, with kids in the Scottsdale Unified School District, you probably found the results from the 2008 AZ Youth Survey regarding alcohol use alarming. 42.6% of eighth graders, 69.8% of 10th graders, and 79% of 12th graders have used alcohol. As I read these statistics, I felt helpless. I know that kids are going to experiment. So, realistically what can I, as a parent, do to protect my daughters from the real dangers of underage drinking?

A few of you may have heard of the Safe Home Pledge started by the Parents for Prevention several years ago at Arcadia HS and Ingleside Middle School. Basically, the purpose of the Pledge is to raise awareness and initiate conversations amongst parents. Parents who sign the pledge are designated in their school’s student directory with an asterisk beside their name signifying that they have committed to being a “Safe Home”. They pledge to not serve alcohol or other drugs to minors. They also pledge to not allow minors to consume alcohol or other drugs in their home or on their property and to supervise teens’ activities in their homes. They further promise to communicate with “Safe Home” parents of a child whom they observe using or under the influence of alcohol or other drugs.

The underlying promise is that we will look out for each other’s kids, not allow or tolerate the use of underage drinking, and let each other know if our children are using alcohol and drugs. It’s the old “it takes a village” idea. I know that if parents from my children’s school chose not to sign the Safe Home Pledge, I would seriously question letting my children go to their homes.

In recent years, the Safe Home Pledge has not been uniformly or consistently distributed throughout SUSD’s middle and high schools. I am working with Christine Roadifer, President of the Scottsdale Parent Council, to ensure that they are distributed next fall. Don’t wait for us, go to: http://www.scottsdaleparentcouncil.org/SAFEHOMEMOVEMENT.html

Ask the PTO and administrators at your school to include “Safe Homes” in the student directory. If taken seriously and followed, this Pledge can serve as an impetus for important conversations about the dangers of underage drinking and drug use within your family and amongst other parents in your community. There is no silver bullet to solving this widespread community problem but committing to the Safe Home Pledge is a parental step in the right direction.

Sincerely,

Dana Sherman, Parent and
School Program Director
Scottsdale Prevention Institute
dana.sherman@cox.net
480-205-3499

Our Prevention Approach

Prevention is based on building social, behavioral, and confidence skills of children, starting at a very young age. By utilizing these skills, as children grow and face more pressures, the likelihood of their turning to alcohol, drugs, and destructive behavior is diminished. Instead of giving children one-time drug presentations in school, this type of comprehensive, holistic approach helps them build a “tool box” full of skills to use to develop healthy relationships and make healthy choices.

Relational Aggression: Is it normal and acceptable?

Relational Aggression: Is it normal and acceptable?

What is relational aggression? Relational aggression encompasses behaviors that harm others by damaging, threatening to damage or manipulating one's relationships with his/her peers, or by injuring one's feelings of social acceptance (the Ophelia Project).
For example:

  • Purposefully ignoring someone when angry (giving the "silent treatment")
  • Spreading rumors about a disliked classmate
  • Telling others not to play with a certain classmate as a means of retaliation
  • Malicious gossip and rumor spreading
  • Taunting and name calling
  • Cyberbullying

What motivates relational aggression? Researchers from the Ophelia Project asked youth why relational aggression occurs, their responses included:

Belonging – "If I share the secret she told me with you, my information can get me ‘in’ with the popular group."
Fear – "I’m afraid of being rejected by my classmates, or that I'll be the next target, so I go along with it."
Drama – "I’m bored, and relational aggression creates drama and excitement."

Isn’t relational aggression just normal behavior? Parents who contend that relational aggression is just part of normal behavior perpetuates the myth that bullying and peer aggression, and the hurt caused by both, are "normal" or "just how kids are" or simply a "rite of passage." For the 160,000 children who miss school each day due to fear of being tormented by their classmates (National Education Association), relational aggression is anything but "normal."
Furthermore, research proves that relational aggression is related to increased depression; lower academic performance; increased suicidal ideation; increased anxiety, anger, and sadness; and other negative consequences

How can I protect my child from the harmful effects of relational aggression? Research suggests that adolescents who are more connected to their school (e.g. involved in activities, clubs, sports), have secure relationships with adults, demonstrate empathy and report more forgiveness are less likely to be involved with relationally aggressive behavior. Further, they report less tolerance of relationally aggressive behaviors in others.

What can SPI do? Prevention is our priority. Children and adolescents need to be taught how to establish and maintain healthy relationships. What children learn and tolerate during their early developmental years becomes a “training ground” for future adult relationships. Relational aggression is a stable, learned behavior and without prevention/intervention efforts, will not fade away after adolescence.

Join an after-school girls’ group to learn to deal with relational aggression. Nancy Cohen, an SPI Specialist, just completed a very successful Girls Inc. group at Sequoya Elementary School that was funded through tax credit monies.

Girls Inc. was offered after school for 4th and 5th grade girls. This was a 5 week program that addressed the following friendship topics:

  • What qualities should I look for in a in a true friend, who are my true friends, and am I a true friend
  • What behaviors interfere with healthy friendships?
  • What do bully behaviors look like and could I be engaging in bully behavior?
  • What are the four types of bullies?
  • How can I stand up for myself and my friends? What can I say? How should I react?

Resources for girls and parents to deal with relational aggression:
www.theopheliaproject.org

Monday, April 6, 2009

Bullying Article

Many parents are at a loss when they discover that their child is being bullied at school. Do they get involved? Let their child handle it on their own? They wonder why their child, in particular, is being picked on?

Even more alarming, however, is that fact that many parents are not even aware that their child is being attacked. This article addresses why children bully, how to identify if your child is being bullied, and what your child can do to prevent or stop bullying.

Children bully because it gives them a sense of power and domination over others. The bottom line is that it makes them feel powerful. More often than not their parents have used power-assertive discipline at home or they have been bullied themselves (e.g., by schoolmates, siblings, etc.). Many bullies come from homes where the parents are cold or uninvolved. Bullies typically carry a great deal of internal anger, pain, insecurity, lack interpersonal skills, and show little remorse for hurting others.

A larger set of children are not direct bullies but rather are bystanders. These bystanders tease others to go along with the crowd. While these students typically express some guilt over their actions very few go against the crowd to stop the bullying. Victims are more often harassed by groups of students than a single "bully."

Boys and Girls differ in how they bully. Girls tend to engage in verbal bullying or relational aggression such as excluding someone from the group or spreading rumors about another person. Boys are more likely to engage in direct aggression such as physical fighting or verbal attacks.

That said, you may still be wondering, why my child? Your child did not cause the bullying. However, there are certain characteristics that victims of bullies often share. They are typically (but not always) withdrawn, anxious, timid, children who react to bullying with overt emotion (e.g., fear, crying). They give the bullies the reaction they want. Also, victims may be targeted for looking or acting differently. Body weight, style of dress, high/low intelligence, race, ethnicity, and lack of social skills (e.g., appearing intrusive) are all common characteristics of victims.

Even more important is identifying the signs that your child is being bullied. Engulfed in our hectic schedules, we, as parents, may not even be aware that our child is being bullied.

Here are some signs to look for:

  • he seems more withdrawn or fearful
  • he cannot name a friend or does not talk about a friend at school
  • he does not call or invite any friends over
  • he comes home with torn or dirty clothes
  • his money or personal items are frequently missing
  • he often complains of school related illnesses (e.g., stomachache, headache, etc.)
  • he has a loss of appetite or eats constantly
  • he has sleep disturbances
  • he "hates" school and does not want to go
  • he shows a decline in school performance
  • he demonstrates increased anger or self-destructive behavior (e.g., eating disorder, cutting on self, etc.)


It is important to keep in mind that being shy and having only a few friends is not, in and of itself, a cause for concern. Having one or two supportive friends can mitigate many of the negative effects of being picked on. Most children are picked on at school, for a short period, at one time or another. One friendship can give your child the confidence he needs to stand up to a bully if necessary.


If you suspect that your child is being bullied ask your child directly but try to stay neutral (cool) and not get overly emotional about the situation; otherwise your child may feel even more helpless. Tell him that no one has the right to make him feel badly about himself. Encourage your child to tell you about these incidents--listen and share the hurt with him. Assure him that he is not defective and that there are things he can do to prevent or stop the bullying.

Bullies have an ability to detect and prey on insecurity. Therefore, advise your child to stand tall, look the bully in the eye, use a firm voice and say, "You are being a bully and you need to knock it off. You are not funny." Tell him to stay calm, neutral and try not to show his fear. Practice this response at home with your child and encourage him to practice these responses in the mirror over and over until he feels comfortable and confident. Work on building his self-esteem through activities he is good at and by spending more time with supportive friends.

Also encourage your child to report the incident to a teacher or administrator he trusts. If there isn't anyone he trusts, offer to get involved. Administrators and teachers should promise discretion and anonymity.

No parent wants his or her child to be bullied. Bullying can go on for years and cause severe self-esteem problems. Be involved, empathetic, and constructive-- you can help your child prevent or stop bullying before it becomes a serious problem.

Here are some additional resources for parents and children:

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Bring Back Family Dinners

Scottsdale Prevention Institute Phone: 480-443-3100
8102 E. Jackrabbit Road, #B Fax: 480-443-3272
Scottsdale, AZ 85250 United Way # 0077
info@spi-az.org

Scottsdale Prevention Institute (SPI) Urges Families to
Bring Back Family Dinners

Frequent Family Dinners are Linked to Better Grades for Teens and Reduced Risk for Substance Abuse

SPI is highlighting a study originally published by The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA), "The Importance of Family Dinners". CASA’s research shows that "the more often children eat dinner with their families, the less likely they are to smoke, drink or use drugs and the better they perform in school". Visit http://www.casacolumbia.org/ for more information.

CASA’s research also highlights that, "Frequent family dining is correlated with doing well in school and developing healthy eating habits." The survey found that frequent family dinners were associated with better school performance, with teens 40% more likely to get A’s and B’s. A Harvard study also found that family dinners were the most important family events in helping children develop language skills.

CASA’s most recent study compared two specific groups: teenagers who have two or less family dinners per week and those who have five or more per week.

Those Who Ate Two or Less Family Dinners Were:

  • Three times more likely to try marijuana
  • Two-and-a-half times more likely to smoke cigarettes
  • One-and-a-half times more likely to drink alcohol

Ten Benefits of Family Dinners:

  1. At half the risk for substance abuse compared to teens who eat with their families less frequently
  2. More likely to get better grades
  3. Less likely to have friends who use illicit drugs
  4. More likely to have lower levels of tension and stress in the home
  5. More likely to say that their parents were proud of them
  6. More emotionally stable
  7. More likely to have positive relationships
  8. More likely to have healthier eating habits
  9. Less likely to contemplate suicide
  10. Less likely to try marijuana or have friends who do

The Challenge for Busy Families
CASA’s research confirms the notion that shared dinners make for stronger families. The problem is that between after-school activity schedules and parents’ busy work schedules, making connections within the family requires a concerted effort.


SPI Offers the Following Suggestions:

  • Make family dinners a requirement
  • Involve your teenagers in all phases of the meal
  • Make meals enjoyable
  • Ask open-ended questions to get your teens talking
    What was the best think that happened this week/day?
    What is something you laughed about today?
    What made you angry this week/day?
    If you could vote, whom would you vote for?






Underage Drinking Article

Scottsdale Prevention Institute Phone: 480-443-3100
8102 E. Jackrabbit Road, #B Fax: 480-443-3272
Scottsdale, AZ 85250 United Way # 0077
info@spi-az.org

Scottsdale Prevention Institute’s (SPI) CALL TO ACTION:
Join Our Campaign to Curb Underage Drinking

How Common is Underage Drinking Among Youth?

Drinking among US teenagers is a serious problem. Alcohol is the most commonly used drug among teens. According to the 2006 Arizona Youth Survey, approx. 50 percent of surveyed eighth graders have sampled alcohol and more than 20 percent of our high school sophomores report coming to school drunk on at least one occasion. By the time they graduate high school, nearly 75 percent of Arizona’s kids will have experimented with alcohol.

Youth are now reporting that their first drink came at age 14. 24% of 8th graders, 39% of 10th graders, and 47% of 12th graders reported drinking within the past 30 days (Arizona Youth Survey, 2006).

Alcohol + Energy Drinks = A Hazardous Combination
The caffeine in Red Bull (and other energy drinks) causes blood vessels to expand, allowing more alcohol to get into the blood stream. Energy drinks are a stimulant and alcohol is a depressant, so the two end up counteracting. People are then left unable to realize how drunk they truly are.
Use by 8th, 10th, and 12th graders in higher in AZ than it is nationwide (National Monitoring the Future, 2006).

Alcopops -- the Newest Trend in Underage Drinking.
These fruit flavored malt beverages come in colorful
packaging similar in design to many teen-friendly soft drinks. They are called "flavored malt beverages" or "low alcohol refreshers" by the alcohol industry, even though their alcohol content rivals most beers.

AZ ranks 20th among all states for the percentage of youth (ages 12-20) who report binge drinking within the past 30 days, meaning only 19 states have more binge drinkers (SAMHSA, National Survey on Drug Use and Health, 2003-2004).

How Do Underage Drinkers Obtain Alcohol?
Most underage drinkers report it is "very easy" to obtain alcohol. Most get it from:
Third Parties (e.g., legal-age friends, siblings, and strangers)
Commercial outlets, such as stores, bars, and restaurants (often by using a fake ID)
Home is the primary source of alcohol among the youngest drinkers, either stolen from parents’ supplies, or given willingly by some parents.

What is Parents’ Role in Underage Drinking?
The Good…Parent’s Approval and Involvement Matters
Children say that parental disapproval of underage drinking is the key reason they have chosen not to drink.

Charles Curie, former substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA).
Teens who have two or fewer family dinners a week are twice as likely to smoke daily and get drunk monthly, compared to teens who have at least five family dinners per week. (The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University, 2006)
The report’s findings underscore the significance of family dinners as a proxy for parental engagement and communication.


The Bad…Most Teens Get Alcohol from Parents and Friends (AMA News Release, 2005)

  • Nearly half of surveyed AZ adults believe it is ok for youth to drink alcohol under parental or adult supervision (AZ Attitudes on Youth Drinking Survey, 2006).
  • Two out of three teens, aged 13-18, said it is easy to get alcohol from their homes without parents knowing.
  • One third responded that it is easy to obtain alcohol from their own parents knowingly and one in four teens has attended a party where minors were drinking in front of parents.
  • More than 37% of adults report providing alcohol to youth.
  • A national survey reported that 31% of kids who said they had been drunk in the past year had parents who believed their children were nondrinkers.

How Does Alcohol Affect the Teenage Brain?
Even moderate amounts of alcohol can seriously damage short-term and long -term growth processes in the teenage brain, according to the American Medical Association, essentially hard wiring kids for addiction in later life.

Drinking alcohol during puberty may upset the critical hormone balance needed for normal development of organs, muscles, bones, and the reproductive system (National Institute of Alcohol Abuse & Alcoholism, 2006)

Is Your Teenager Using Drugs or Alcohol? Look for these signs:
  • Mood Swings. Although mood swings are normal for teens, look for extreme changes—your child acting happy and upbeat one-minute followed by withdrawal or fits of anger or rage.
  • Secrecy. If your child begins to act with increased secrecy about possessions or activities it may be a sign for concern.
  • New Friends. If your child is using, chances are he or she will be spending time with others who have similar interests. Is your child suddenly hanging around with new friends?
  • Changed School Habits. Is your child skipping classes? Suddenly getting bad grades?

What Can Parents Do?

  • Form a network with other parents so that if you are away, they can check and make sure your home is not being used for an unauthorized drinking party.
  • Be aware that even responsible children can have a small party spin out of control through text messages and cell phones.
  • Avoid sending party invitations by email. They’re easy to forward and can result in uninvited guests.
  • When hosting a party, be sure to have plenty of food and non-alcoholic beverages. Adults should keep an eye on things without becoming obtrusive.
  • Talk to your children about drinking and listen to your child’s concerns.

When Are Kids Most at Risk?
Studies show that kids are more at risk for alcohol, drugs, and sex between the hours of 3 p.m. and 6 p.m., while many parents are still at work. (The California Governor’s Prevention Advisory Council’s).

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

We have Candy Wrapper Purses!

If you have ever felt guilty about wanting or buying a fabulous purse I have the solution!!!

You can help save the planet, help fund an after-school youth center for children in Scottsdale/Phoenix, AND get a one-of-a-kind, fabulous purse that is literally a conversation piece.

NO seriously, I fell in love with these purses from Mexico a year ago. They are beautiful, fun, and durable. They are made entirely of colorful foil wrappers. Every time I wear mine people ask me how to get them-- so I did.

MOST importantly, (as most of you know) I have a dream to open a Center that offers character development programs as well as art programs for kids after school. I have been pursuing this dream for over a year.

I am selling these fabulous purses to help fund the Center. ALL of the profit will go into a charitable fund that will grow until we have enough to rent space or buy to start the Center. We have already raised a portion of the money but we need to raise more to keep our dream alive.

To learn more about the Center and/or Scottsdale Prevention Institute, the non-profit agency I work for, please read the other postings on this blog.

Here are some examples of the purses for sale:






























Email me for specific dimensions and more pictures:
dana.sherman@cox.net

Remember, ALL the profit goes toward our non-profit Center.